Let me begin by saying, I am blessed! I know this. I have so much going for me, and yet STILL I sometimes feel as though life gets the best of me.
My gloomy season really begins mid-November. I know, I know – November and December should be the happiesst times of the year. I do love Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my mom makes the best New Years Day dinner in the entire world. But still, there is a sadness that takes over for me during these months. And then comes January.
Januarys are the worst as I do not like the cold, AND my day job is bookkeeping. If you are a bookkeeper, you will understand exactly why I don’t like Januarys. If you’re not, just trust me on that one.
But now we’re into February, and February is still cold, and my heart still longs for the warmth of spring. But it’s like that last 20 minutes on the treadmill; you’re already 2/3rds through it, so you get a second wind and keep walking, or in my case, gliding on that eliptical, until the end. February says to me –
There is hope, spring is right around the corner.
From mid-November until the beginning of February, my life seems to run at a pace outside of myself. And while it’s not nearly as bad as some schedules, for me it’s too much. Don’t judge me – it’s just that I need lots of time to just be me. Some people thrive on busy. I’m just not one of them.
My mom laughs and tells me that when I was an infant, that she swears I always looked relieved when people would lay me down in my crib after holding me. I believe her. It’s not that I don’t love people, I surely do. But I need that alone time. If I don’t get it, I get out of sync.
I realize I haven’t blogged in over a month. Shame on me. I could have worked it in, but in truth, I just wasn’t in a reflective mood. And to write something I feel is worth reading, (you may feel I never do, and that’s okay too) I need to be in a certain mood.
In, The War of Art, Steven Presfield says to treat your art like your job. The muse will come, but you must put in the work. I know this, but I don’t always do what I know. So whether it’s writing or painting, I need to do the work, yet sometimes I don’t.
So where am I going with this post? I guess I want to assure my readers that I can get down with the rest. In this social media world, we often compare our lives with the virtual lives of others. We see the sweet family photos, or lovely homes, or fabulous trips abroad and think our lives pale in comparison. They really don’t. You are seeing but a glimpse of the best of the best of those lives. Don’t compare – just don’t. For more on the problem with comparing, see my post here.
But I don’t apologise for being positive. Positivity is good, and Lord knows, we have enough negative stuff out there. So positive vibes are what I strive to put out. But what I don’t want to do is give a false sense that my life is always grand.
I stay positive so much, that I can give off the illusion that life is all sunshine and daisies. But let’s be honest, sometimes it just isn’t. Even when there isn’t anything particualary bad going on. And for me, it’s just that season of busyness that zaps my soul of its energy and vitality.
But it’s February people! And with February, there comes hope for this soul. I don’t know what your season of gloom is, but if you happen to be in your gloomy season, just know that your February is hopefully not too far away.
I’m sorry I’ve been a slack blogger lately, but let’s hope I can get back to normal now – at least until mid-November! 🙂